Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: So many pastors here and so many Bible scholars that I have learned a great deal from for the sermons I've preached these last couple months. I've been looking with you at covenants and commitments in scripture. We've been looking at those times in the Bible when the camera hones in not on a solitary, autonomous individual, but rather on the ties that bind individuals to each other, to God, and to all the earth. In a web of relationships, we've seen how the God we know in Christ is at work by the power of the Holy Spirit, shaping and redeeming and renewing those relationships such that they contribute to all of our flourishing. In a day when so much emphasis can be placed on self identity, self sufficiency, and self actualization, and people struggle deeply with loneliness, isolation and fear, I want to remind us of that great proclamation of scripture, fullness of life God invites us to in Christ that we can only know in webs of commitment. There are ties that bind, but that also equip us to thrive well. Such a sermon series on the ties that bind would be woefully remiss if it did not touch on that great human commitment marked by the words, till death do us part heart, or as long as we both shall live. Now scripture makes it clear marriage is not the only relationship that defines human life. Scripture celebrates that some, like the apostle Paul, are called to being unmarried. A rich life with God and others and the earth can be known apart from marriage. And yet scripture also celebrates how faithfulness to God can be lived out in wonderful ways in the bond of matrimony. Today's text from Ephesians is one such passage, and it follows a grand opening to that fifth chapter of Ephesians that begins this way. Be imitators of God as beloved children, and live in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to goddess. Powerful words. But I imagine myself as a member of the church of Ephesus thinking, all right, that's great, but what does it actually look like in day to day life, in my house, in my most intimate of relationships? And as if to address that very question, the writer of Ephesians presents to the ephesian church what's often called a household code. Such codes were common in ancient works. We see them in stoic authors like hierocles. To greco roman and jewish writers, such codes often took as normative the social hierarchies and household roles of their time and place.
Now there are plenty of scripture passages that challenge social hierarchies in biblical times, or at least challenge the notion that such hierarchies or divisions are normative. You'll recall the apostle Paul's words in the Book of Galatians, there is no longer jew nor Greek. There is no longer slave nor free. There's no longer male and female, for all of you are one in Christ Jesus. If you were here last Sunday, you'll recall the scripture passage we read from Luke four, where Jesus, reading from the prophet Isaiah, declares, the spirit of the Lord is upon me because he's anointed me to bring good news to the poor, to proclaim release to the captives, to let the oppressed go free.
We're acutely aware today that gender roles and social hierarchies can be oppressive. The stuff that we imagine God's work in Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit challenges and transforms household codes like the one that Angela will soon read from Ephesians can sound far more accepting, even reinforcing, of social norms than passages like Galatians two and Luke four. And that, friends, may be one of the reasons that in my 25 years of ordained ministry, I've never preached on this passage before.
Some of you have officiated marriages, and you know that we often ask the couple what text they'll choose. And I've lived in a certain kind of fear that a couple that I'm working with will choose as their wedding passage, the very text you are going to hear read today. No couple, in my experience, ever has.
But I think it's time together as a church that we look at this passage, especially in a sermon series on covenants and commitments. That's in part because as a church, we've been willing over the years to look at the hard texts of scripture, as well as those to which we are drawn, as well as those that, as preachers, we might love to preach on.
For the overarching framework in this passage, the one you'll hear read, the theme used to describe marriage speaks to not just marriage, but so many of life's most enduring relationships. It speaks to how life's deepest relationships can be grounded in God's love poured out for us in Christ. And yes, it speaks from another context, another time and place, 2000 years ago, in another language, Greek, in another part of the world, Ephesus. And it speaks by way of analogy. And, you know, if you've ever used an analogy, analogies fall short. You're comparing one thing to another, and it is not that thing. So on one hand, it can enlighten, but it also falls short. But still, listen for what this text from scripture has to say to us today.
Listen whether we occupy traditional or non traditional gender roles, whether we're an opposite sex or same sex marriages, whether. Whether we're married or unmarried, even listen for the call of Christ as we prepare for the reading of scripture. Now let's pray.
[00:06:07] Speaker B: God, source of all light, by your word, give light to the soul. Pour out upon us the spirit of wisdom and understanding that being taught by you in holy scripture, our hearts and minds may be opened to know the things that pertain to life and holiness through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.
Today's passage is Ephesians 521 33, page 952. If you're looking in your pew Bible, be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the savior.
Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her in order to make her holy, by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind. Yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself, but no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body.
For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church.
Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.
This is the word of the Lord.
Thanks be to God.
[00:08:41] Speaker A: So I confess I find marriage fascinating. And by marriage, I mean the commitment two people make to one another when they vow, till death do us part or as long as we both shall live. Now, I once knew a pastor who was once asked by a couple if those vows could be changed and they could instead vow to commit to one another as long as we both shall love.
The pastor told them as I would. I'm sorry. That may be a kind of commitment, but it's not what we call marriage, even if it ultimately crashes and burns in a conflagration of good intentions and human faults and frailty. The marriage commitment, till death do us part, fascinates me.
I looked on in fascination and wonder as I saw it in John and Barbara toys marriage of 67 years, you might recall, some of you, at least, was a regular attender of Knox and a resident over at Monte Vista Grove homes. Just prior to his death nearly two years ago, he served for 25 years as the pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Downey. He met Barbara when they were both students at McAllister College in Minnesota. They fell in love and got married. She graduated with a major in education and a minor in music, and she would go on to teach both middle school and high school, and she loved to sing in the church choir. The pair would raise two children, Chris and Steve. I still remember Steve sitting right in about the fourth row from the front alongside John.
In 2009, the pair would move to Monte Vista Grove while John was serving as interim pastor at Palmdale Presbyterian Church.
Barbara's health began to decline and then greatly declined. By the time I got to know John and Barbara, Barbara was in the health center, and her dementia was so advanced that I never knew if she recognized me or not. She never spoke, and she could only get up if assisted. And every time I would go and visit, John would be there right by her side, holding her hand, talking to her, caring for her. You know, you. You don't sign up for that. Exactly when you say I do.
That was what was presented to John. And he said, yes.
I'll never forget, in December of 2019, heading to Monte Vista Grove homes with some of you, with a group of adults and children. As we went that December to Carol down the halls of the health center, and John bade us come into Barbara's room so we could sing, filled up that room. And then I remember him holding her hand as we sang silent night, holy night. And the two looked on.
Well, in his final months, you know, when people are near the end of their life, when John was near the end of their life, he'd tell me the same story every time. You know how that happens.
This is a story he would tell me. He'd say, Matt, you know, in 2020, it was December, and for all that year of the pandemic, it was so hard not being able to visit Barbara because of the lockdown regulations. But in December, I got a call from the health center that Barbara was nearing the end. And so with all the regulations in place, they put gloves on him, they put a special outfit on him and a mask but he says, I was able to go in and meet with Barbara, and I held her hand and I prayed that if it be her time, she leave this world now. And that was God's will. And he held her hand as she left this world to enter the next. That memory was what John held in his final moments.
Now, what quality is it that I saw in that that so fascinates me that I find so winsome? What aspect of love was so clearly on display as those two held hands? Ephesians, chapter five, verses 21 33, names it for me. Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
The greek verb for be subject, hupataso, is an active verb that means to subject oneself or to submit to. It implies one has a choice, one's acting in a kind of voluntary fashion. They can choose to be subject to the demands of a relationship, or they can choose not to be, and that somehow involuntarily submitting, they can show a kind of love, respect not just for the other, but for Christ. In being subject to the demands of love, they can reflect Christ's love and sacrifice for us.
Now those of you who are Bible scholars know that one of the great questions of Ephesians, chapter five, concerns verse 21. Does it relate to the material that's gone before it, or does it relate to the material that follows it? In other words, when we are invited, as this verse does, to be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ, is that referring to the earlier part of chapter five, where the focus is on relationships in the church, or is it focused instead on the latter part when the focus is squarely on marriage? Is it an introduction or a conclusion? Well, this question has been hotly debated, and it seems like the consensus today is that it is a bridge verse. It both concludes one section and introduces another. It forms a kind of center for chapter five, articulating a central theme of church life and married life. Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
That theme follows the grand opening of chapter five. Christ loved us and gave himself up for us a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Christ, that verse proclaims, submitted or made himself subject to the demands of relationship, relationship with God and relationship to those who had united with Christ by faith, to his followers, to the church, those whom he gave the power to become children of God. The demands of those relationships, obedience to God and love of the church called our savior to submit even to death on a cross. And in that sacrifice, we believe we were reconciled to God by our savior's. Death and resurrection by his perfect obedience to God that becomes ours by faith.
On the one hand, that connection with Christ that we know by faith, it brings salvation, union with God, the very power of God at work in our lives, transforming us by the power of the Holy Spirit. That's the good news. The bad news is it brings demand with it, too, to live in love as Christ loved us and gave himself for us an offering and sacrifice to God. It brings this demand at the heart of chapter five, be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Now, in the passage that Angela read from the latter part of Ephesians five, the author is using a great analogy in describing such love when it comes to marriage. He compares the relationship between a husband and a wife to that of Christ and the church. If Christ gave himself in love for the church, and if we are to love as Christ loves, shouldn't that relationship that is between Christ and the church guide our relationships, especially the most intimate of relationships we call marriage? Absolutely it should. The analogy makes sense, but analogies break down by definition when you're trying to describe one thing with another thing, these two things are not exactly the same. The breakdown and the analogy in today's passage is easy to spot. A husband most certainly cannot love as Christ loved, nor can or should a husband try to be a savior the way Christ was savior, a savior for all, regardless of our gender identity or sexual orientation or our married or unmarried status. And when so many of us approach marriage today in an egalitarian rather than a hierarchical framework, the analogies inevitable breakdown can become all the more stark. But recognizing all that, listen still for what? The author of Ephesians is arguing that the love of Christ, the love he has towards you and me, is the very animating and guiding power for Christians, even in, especially in our most intimate of relationships.
You could argue that because the husband held more power than the wife in first century ephesus, a greater demand is placed on the husband. They are to not merely honor or respect their wives, but to love them and to love with agape love, that is, to love them with the kind of self sacrificial love Christ showed, a love in which the lover does not lord it over the other, but humbles themselves, relinquishing power and control such that the other, the beloved, might be lifted up.
We know all too well how the powerful can call on the less powerful to submit to their authority. That's not what we read about in ephesians five. That's not the kind of life that defines church relationships. And that's not the love ephesians five speaks of in terms of voluntary submission to the ties of relationship. Relationship rooted in the very love and justice of Christ.
Voluntary submission, voluntarily being subject to the call of love.
That's what Christ showed us. That's a what Christ did for us. And that is what we get to do as followers of Christ. We get to do it here and in our church relationships as the body of Christ. And we get to do it, we're called to do it in marriage.
Commitment, submission, be subject to. These are scary words and phrases, and appropriately so. We are wise to be prayerful and thoughtful as we consider life's big commitments before making them. We're wise to consider who and what we should be subject to, but wise as we should be, let's be daring to. Let's dare to bond with others in a way that we can only do and find a life we can only know through commitment, through ties that bind. And also Christ showed that commitment to us, uniting us with God and with one another and all the earth, offering his very life and love for God and for us and for our salvation. With that love, filling us with that love poured out for us.
Let us be imitators of Christ. Let us be subject to one another out of reverence for him.
Commitment, it is the hard stuff of life, to be sure, and we are wise to consider it soberly. But commitment, it's the treasure of life, too, leaving us with a hand to hold as we walk through this earth and as we breathe our last one, last story to leave you with. I'm moved when I see that kind of love up close, as I did in John and Barbara toy. And I am moved when I read about it in history, in works like Doris Keir and Goodwin's book team of rivals. That book tells about the cabinet of Abraham Lincoln, which included Edwin Stanton, the lawyer and politician who served under the Lincoln administration during most of the civil war. So many commitments you could follow in his life. There was his commitment to the christian faith. Stanton was born to a Methodist family, attended an elementary school taught by a presbyterian minister, and later attended an episcopal college. His christian faith and his ties to the church would mark him all his life and show forth in his deep commitment to a faith shown in love.
You could look instead at Stanton's commitment to the anti slavery movement, a commitment that historians have called far more passionate and unyielding than Lincoln's. His outrage at that institution animated so much of his political life.
But what I love about Goodwin's account of Stanton is how commitment shone so brightly in Stanton's married life.
Stanton met Mary Ann Lamson while attending Trinity Episcopal Church in Columbus. Church folks can be a great way to meet that future spouse. The two were smitten and soon got engaged. But as the date of their marriage approached Stanton's poor health, he'd suffered from asthma since he was ten years old, would prevent them from holding a big wedding at Trinity Episcopalian Church. The service was held instead at the rector's home. And I think of Mary making that commitment, and all the risk involved knowing of Stanton's ill health and committing anyway.
Goodwin writes this, Stanton looked upon Mary as his life companion. They both loved history, literature, and poetry. Together they read Gibbon, Carlyle, McAleigh, Madame de Stal, Samuel Johnson, Bancroft, and Byron. We ago were lovers, Stanton wrote to her after their children, Lucy and Edwin junior, were born. We are now parents, he wrote. A new relation has taken place. The love of our offspring has opened up fresh fountains of love for each other. We look forward now to life not for ourselves only, but for our children.
I love to you for your beauty and grace and loveliness of your person. I love you now for the richness and surpassing excellence of your mind.
One love has not taken the place of the other, but both stand side by side. I love you now with a fervor and truth of affection which speech cannot express.
His immense happiness was short lived. His daughter Lucy died after an attack of scarlet fever three years later. In March 1844, his beloved Mary developed a fatal bilious fever and died at the age of 29.
Stanton's grief bordered on insanity.
Eventually, Stanton's responsibilities to his family brought him back to his law of practice. But fearful that his son, then only two years old, would have no memories of the mother he'd lost, he spent his nights writing a letter of over a hundred pages to the boyenne. He described his romance with Mary from its earliest days and included extracts from all the letters they'd exchanged over the years. And why did he do this? He was terrified, he said, that something could happen to him, or his memory might fade, and his son, as he put it, might live and die without knowing of the affection your father and mother bore for you and for each other.
He would go on to find new love. But what a statement of honoring that vow.
Love, the kind that states, till death do us part. It is a wondrous thing, calling us to take on roles we might never have imagined we would assume, like writing the story of our marriage to our son or being our spouse's caretaker. But being subject to the call of love, it is a wondrous and mysterious thing. May we live in love as Christ loved us and gave himself for us. An offering and sacrifice to God.
In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.
I.
